The Bachelor Recap, Nick Viall Episode 4: Raven and Danielle L. Win Wisconsin
Corinne's antics are making one impression on Nick and a very different one on the other women, but can she twist their concerns to make her look like a victim? Let's jump back into the Bachelor to see what comes out of Bouncygate and which of the 17 contestants will be eliminated in the next Rose Ceremony. Nick only has seven more episodes to choose a fiancee (again), so let's see who stands out this week!
Corinne is once again napping while the other contestants discuss their next moves. Vanessa's questioning continues, but Nick's response is as genuine and intimate as you'd expect from someone dating more than 15 people. Taylor and Sarah confront Corinne about Bouncygate to no avail; Corinne claims to have no privilege. She's the adult woman with a nanny, in case you forgot.
The Rose Ceremony
Taylor thinks a lot of girls will walk away if Corinne gets a rose tonight, suggesting she's never watched the show. Nothing like that has happened in the seasons I've watched despite the presence of a clear "villain" in every one.
This Week's Survivors: Raven, Taylor, Whitney, Kristina, Jasmine, Alexis, Astrid, Vanessa, Danielle, Jaimi, Josephine, Sarah, Rachel, and Corinne
Returning to Real Life: Christen and Brittany
On her way out, a tearful Brittany recalls making fun of the girls who cried in her situation. It is difficult to figure out why everyone cries when they're eliminated, but she didn't do herself any favors with this face during the Rose Ceremony:
Maybe it's an honest display of emotion, but the "I'm having trouble remembering why I'm here face" doesn't play well on the Bachelor.
In a bizarre effort to demonstrate maturity(?), or poise(??), or dominance (???), Corinne gives a stop-and-go speech about the journey they're all on together. It sounds like a Sean Spicer rant, actually, and in the same style meanders to a trail-off without any sort of conclusion.
The Morning After
Chris Harrison arrives to announce the next stop on this season's journey: Milwaukee, Wisconsin! I'm a big fan of The Good Land myself, but the over/under on genuinely excited contestants here is 2.5. They all pretend to be thrilled and start packing for the Midwest.
Nick sits down with his parents to get them up to speed, and they receive him with a combination of optimism and consternation befitting a 36-year old bachelor with an extensive reality television career. I'm sure if they have a chance to meet Corinne they'll be able to rest easier.
Reunited with his reality TV harem, Nick chooses Danielle L. for a one-on-one date which begins immediately, leaving the rest of the women standing in a park. This raises one of my favorite questions about the show: what do contestants do with so much downtime? Can they go eat cheese curds and drink craft beer? Does the studio pay for it, or are they traveling on their own dimes? I just want one contestant to wander off into town and return to the house with a buzz and some connection with reality. Is that so much to ask?!
One-on-One Date with Danielle L.
Nick takes Danielle on a tour of Waukesha, beginning at a local bakery. They make "Nick-erdoodle" cookies, which look more like sugar cookies with Nick frosting than snickerdoodles. If the name was simply convenient and unrelated to the ingredients, I'm offended.
Strolling down the sidewalk, Nick and Danielle happen to run into one of Nick's exes. Inexplicably (by which I mean clearly arranged by ABC), they stop to talk with Amber. It is brief, it is awkward, and it somehow makes a positive impression on Danielle L. They proceed to a park where they reminisce about their awkward pubescent years and snog a bit before heading to dinner.
The two put on some respectable clothes and begin discussing their flaws with what appear to be respectable drinks:
Ice ball cocktails? Cut it out you two, you're making it difficult to disparage your decision-making skills!
Danielle's backstory includes divorced parents and guarded emotions. Yawnnnn. It would be more impactful on a show without a plethora of untimely demises and recent deaths.
After some more chitchat, Nick offers Danielle L. the one-on-one date rose, and they seal the exchange with a snog. His surprise ending for their date is a concert by someone named Chris Lane. His singing is entertaining, but his singing face looks extremely uncomfortable:
I'm just going to leave this here and let you make your own jokes about rectal exams, IBS, and vinegar strokes.
Group Date: Rachel, Alexis, Vanessa, Jasmine, Jaimi, Sarah, Whitney, Kristina, Astrid, Taylor, Josephine, Danielle, and Corinne
In a date optimized to exploit Corinne's inadequacies and sheltered upbringing, the ladies find Nick at a barn feeding an adorable baby cow:
You can do worse selecting a look for the arrival of 13 people competing for your affection. Kat's probably going to ask me to buy a calf now.
They'll be pitching in on a dairy farm, handling chores such as feeding, milking, and cleaning up after the cows. They all try to approach it with a positive attitude except for Corinne, who unsurprisingly wishes for her nanny. Jaimi demonstrates some milking skills before they're all tasked with mucking the stables. Corinne takes the opportunity to bail in favor of a nearby rock. She is an annoying Negative Nancy.
On the bright side, no one went to comfort here this time around. They just kept shoveling manure, or as Corinne calls it, "poopy".
The Group Date Cocktail Party
Kristina is the first to take Nick aside, and after nearly delving into her backstory, they snog. Soon after, with Nick off letting down guards with Rachel, Corinne eavesdrops on the other women's conversation about her. She attempts to make an intelligent analogy between herself and an ear of corn, but punctuates it by asking if *this* is immature:
Why yes, yes it is. It perfectly fits a person who doesn't understand the difference between physical and any other type of maturity, though.
She returns to the group and obliquely confronts them about the bad vibes she's getting, but the conversation predictably goes nowhere because no one in the group will bring down the hammer. Sarah asks if she's ready to marry Nick and mentions her frequent napping, which Corinne easily brushes away. The persistence of these contestants to attempt to rationalize with a clearly irrational person is stupendous.
Kristina shows some mettle and accuses Corinne of faking her "panic attack" before the Rose Ceremony and "serious medical condition" at the dairy, sending Corinne into a huff. Knucks to you, Kristina!
Appropriately worked up, Corinne takes Nick aside to play the victim and boast about her mature approach to the hostile meanies. It isn't enough to win her the group date rose, though, which instead goes to Kristina.
At the Waukesha Lodge
The long saga of Corinne's whining continues downstairs while Taylor and Danielle discuss the situation upstairs. Really I'm only mentioning this part because I'm hoping someone can explain what's going on in this picture:
Was Taylor swimming in the bathtub? Are they both just soaking their feet? If so, A) why? and B) why a swimsuit, Taylor? I'm so confused...
One-on-One Date with Raven
Nick takes Raven to meet his younger sister and join her soccer team before a game. The setting allows Raven to meet his parents and she seems to make a positive impression before she and Nick head off to an arcade and roller rink. Raven and Bella do a bit of bonding while Nick skates, and soon all three hit the rink for a date at least as old as me. Nick nailed the quintessential Midwest middle school date.
The two head to dinner, where Raven has dressed as her namesake:
Quoth the Raven: "My southern accent's charm is enhanced in the small-town setting of Waukesha, Wisconsin. Also, observe my chest."
They dive into her last relationship, which ended in infidelity, and she provides the full backstory. The FULL backstory. It's a bit more information than necessary, but the blatant honesty is refreshing. Plus, she describes kicking in a locked door! Knucks to you, Raven.
She earns a rose, and they end the date roller skating in an atrium. I think I'm using that term correctly.
The Cocktail Party
Danielle L. kicks off the party by taking Nick aside, upsetting the other girls who don't already have a rose. Taylor interrupts and gets a snog while Corinne and Josephine chow down back in the barn. No judgment here, ladies, I've been complaining about the bird-like appetites of everyone on this show for as long as I've been watching.
Corinne is determined to confront Taylor and leads her outside to talk. She quickly takes the defensive and accuses Taylor of treating her like an idiot. I'm surprised at her indignation, because she definitely is an idiot, as she proves with this aside:
"Taylor is like the s*** I scooped in my shovel. She's rude, fake, and nasty." Corinne, the manure smelled bad because it was real, and inanimate objects can't be rude.
We'll have to wait to find out how this heated argument fizzles into nothing, because we get TO BE CONTINUED.
This episode tallied 40 drinks according to the QQ Bachelor Drinking Game. Feel free to follow us on Facebook for new content, and we'll see you next week!
