The Bachelorette Recap - Rachel Lindsay Episode 6: Rachel the Hatchet Woman
When we left off last week, tension was building between Lee and Kenny. Sound familiar? Let's hope Rachel makes up her mind quickly and allows us all to move on from an uncomfortable, annoying, and anticlimactic dispute. With Lee the drama queen out of the picture, there's no telling how much fun we could have watching Episode 6 of Rachel's season of The Bachelorette!
Two-on-One Date: Rachel, Kenny, and Lee
While Rachel ponders who to send home now and who to send home soon after (even winners of a two-on-one usually aren't in great shape), Kenny lays into Lee by the whiskey picnic. Lee denies mentioning a van, apparently believing no one will notice his nationally televised statement to the contrary mere minutes ago. The real winner here is us, who got to see this repeatedly:
It took me more than ten attempts to capture the majesty of censored swearing and whiskey in one picture. Totally worth it.
Rachel returns and sends Lee home because she doesn't trust him. Kenny doesn't receive a rose, but will be sticking around for the time being. Before Kenny and Rachel can fly away in their helicopter, Kenny steps out to give Lee another piece of his mind. Rachel, like McKayla Maroney five years ago, is not impressed.
I like to think she's perplexed by his decision to return to the helicopter without grabbing the decanter of whiskey.
Later that night, Rachel tells Kenny his return visit to Lee was unnecessary. He gets a little defensive, but works his way out of it by telling her he wants to fall in love; it's enough to get him the rose he missed out on earlier and a snog to boot.
Kenny ends the night with a video call to his daughter and breaks into tears, giving the show one of its rare genuinely cute moments. Let's move on.
The Rose Ceremony
This Week's Survivors: Bryan, Kenny, Will, Dean, Eric, Peter, Alex, Adam, and Matt
Heading Home (in addition to Lee): Josiah and Anthony
Despite his relentless confidence, Josiah doesn't make the grade. His babbling is largely devoid of merit, but he does criticize Rachel for keeping Adam the mannequin guy around, which, yeah, I'm confused about his continued presence too.
Next Stop: Denmark
Wow, ABC went big two weeks in a row on the effects budget!
If they keep this up, they're going to run out of money for direwolves and dragons in the finale. Wait, I must be thinking of a different show...
One-on-One Date: Rachel and Eric - I'm (c)Open to Love
Eric comes into the date with considerably more bravado than we've seen from him before, and Rachel immediately picks up on it. The date begins with a nice champagne boat ride through Copenhagen, and they discuss hobbies and kids and other real-life date subjects. The sheer normalcy is starting to make me uncomfortable...but then they find public hot tubs with some naked Danes. Phew, that was close!
Denmark is my kind of country! Copenhagen seems pretty cool in other ways, but who doesn't want to be this guy?!
Next is the second-most visited amusement park in the world, where they play whack-a-mole, drive bumper cars, shoot on mini-basketball hoops, and ride a carousel and a Ferris wheel. Their dinner consists of booze and burgers, and it looks delicious.
Usually I'd be inclined to criticize them for ordering burgers while traveling internationally, but I can't name a single Danish food. Except danishes, I guess. Still, ONE of you should have ordered something else and used the burger as your fallback plan!
With a little prompting from Rachel, Eric discusses his difficult relationship with his mother which has made it hard for him to fully commit to a relationship. Rachel sympathizes and gives him a rose before they move on to more roller coasters.
Group Date: Dean, Kenny, Bryan, Alex, Matt, Peter, Adam - I've taken a Viking to you guys
The men row a Viking boat to their destination: a beach where two men in presumably traditional outfits are battling with swords. Their names are Tom and Morton, and they are legit:
I don't know if "intimidating" is the right word, but they're definitely awe-inspiring. You do you, Viking Fighting Instructors.
Naturally the men have to dress up as Vikings, and the result is predictably amazing:
Oddly, none of their attire resembles that of Tom and Morton. I wonder if ABC vetted their Viking credentials...
The first game is grease stick. It's pretty simple; two people compete to pull a stick out of one another's hands. I don't know how you win, but that ends up being the theme of the event. There's something resembling a rugby scrum, a one-legged sumo fight, and a drag-the-other-guy-out-of-the-circle game.
Through ancient Viking scoring methodologies, Kenny and Adam are chosen to fight Viking-on-Viking in the final event. Kenny knocks Adam out of the ring, but both walk away with minor injuries. Yes, this is where the blood on Kenny's face in "This Season On" previews came from, not a malevolent physical altercation.
Group Date Cocktail Party
Bryan takes the lead and walks Rachel into another room. He continues batting 1.000 and gets plenty of snogging. Peter also maintains his sterling record, letting Rachel do most of the talking before responding with a quick line and a snog.
In the main room, Kenny is having trouble handling the rapid progression of this franchise's format. He's missing his daughter and wondering how he went from a first date to Denmark so quickly. Let's run down the rest of the guys: Dean laughs over some beers, Adam and Alex each get a minor snog, and Matt acts as a sounding board in his first bit of screen time I can remember.
Wait. Hold the phones. Rachel was already my favorite Bachelorette of all-time, and now this:
Pulls up from beyond the arc...
*swish*
Kenny expresses the emotional insecurity he's dealing with, explaining that he's worried about bringing Rachel home and introducing her to his daughter before they're really ready. They talk it out and agree it's best for Kenny to return home. Let's send the man home with some Positive Parenting knucks.
Rachel returns after walking Kenny to the limo and presents Peter with the Group Date rose. Based on his reaction, Bryan is starting to recognize Peter as a rival.
One-on-One Date: Rachel and Will - Will you be my sweetie?
Rachel and Will are off to Sweden (truly top-notch pun work this week, Bach producers), where their date begins with a walk through town and past a Swedish street guitarist. I'm counting it as a private concert, so bottoms-up!
They play some games in the park, grab some pastries and coffee, and mingle with the locals. Although the date seems charming in a very wandering around Europe type of way, Rachel isn't getting the openness and energy she was hoping for out of Will. This is perfectly summed up in a moment on top of a castle where I, Rachel, and everyone watching wants Sebastian to get the swamp band going with "Kiss the Girl."
You could do a lot worse for romantic settings, Will! Sidenote: I promise I didn't know the Little Mermaid was a Danish fairy tale.
Will, looking sharp at dinner, struggles to get the conversation flowing. Asked what he's attracted to, Will explains that he typically dates white girls. They have an interesting conversation about their dating history demographics (if only I had charts!), but it soon stalls again. Rachel ends the date by detailing her concerns over the progression of their relationship beyond friendship and sending Will home.
The Rose Ceremony
Whether to recognize those who have already fallen or to acknowledge the one impending execution, our Bachelorette arrives in funeral attire:
The Hatchet Woman has arrived, and no one is safe! Except Eric (rose), Peter (rose), Bryan (killing it), and Dean (kicking back).
This Week's Survivors: Eric, Peter, Bryan, Matt, Dean, and Adam
Heading Home (in addition to Kenny and Will): Alex
That's all for Episode 5! Check back next week for another recap, and please comment below with any ideas or suggestions you have for our Bachelor Franchise material.
This episode racked up 57 drinks according to our Bachelorette Drinking Game Rules, continuing the upward trend from last week. Skål!
