Bachelor in Paradise Recap Episode 6: Daniel Plays the Field and Grant Breaks out the L Word
Welcome back to our coverage of ABC's Bachelor in Paradise! I was on vacation last week, and after a few whole seconds of deliberation, I decided watching two commercial-free hours of this show does not qualify as relaxation. I'm back home in Austin now, though, so let's find out what happened while I was drinking manhattans on the beach!
The Paradise Pad
We pick up right where we left off: Ashley crying loudly enough for everyone to hear her. Jared responds by staring at the ground and restating his desire for a platonic relationship. Frustrated, he gets up and walks away, so big knucks to him.
He moves on to reinforcing his feelings to Caila while Ashley cries to Jorge. It is tremendously boring, it's getting very old, and I would bet a lot of money she goes home in the Rose Ceremony if producer intervention didn't exist.
Carly talks herself into liking Evan for reasons beyond my grasp. He confirms he faked an injury for attention, but somehow it isn't surprising coming from him. Daniel, meanwhile, is kicking back and enjoying his position as the only man with an available rose.
Yes, the second glass of wine is just on hand for whichever contestant approaches first. In his words, "come to Papa Bear."
Sarah is first to enter his sweepstakes and presents him with a homemade cake to share on the weird communal beach bed. He banters, but sticks to his hard-to-get plan by stepping away with Haley shortly after. She is determined with some prodding from Emily to kiss him in an effort to secure a rose for both of them. Daniel gives her an obvious opening by complimenting her posterior and she takes it, planting a very friendly kiss on him. Ashley, of course, is still crying.
As Daniel steps away with Ashley I, the remaining competitor for his rose, Sarah looks none too pleased.
Daniel is going to have to do some damage control if he ends up choosing Sarah, because that face demands apologies.
Daniel kicks off this session by calling Jared "ugly" and giving an oddly impactful pep talk before encouraging her to slut around a bit. Alone with a camera, he explains why her lack of experience is enticing, requiring heavy censorship. His MVP performance this season just won't slow down. Heading into the Rose Ceremony, Sarah and the twins are nervous while Ashley is somehow confident she'll get Jared's rose.
The Rose Ceremony
- Grant gives Lace an I've-somehow-forgotten-my-reservations-about-your-insanity rose
- Josh gives Amanda a wow-this-is-easy-and-boring rose
- Nick gives Jenn a you-saved-me-last-week-new-relationship rose
- Vinny gives Izzy an oh-yeah-they're-still-here rose
- Evan gives Carly a please-someone-end-this-charade rose
- Jared gives Caila an I-fear-for-your-safety-if-Ashley-stays rose
- Daniel gives his I-am-fully-enjoying-this-show's-format rose to Haley
Sarah (bummer) and Ashley (yayyy) are headed home this week!
Orrrrr not. Ashley returns to the group and begs to remain on the show, prompting an excellent WTF face from Jared:
Ah yes, the familiar face of a man whose crazy ex-sort-of-girlfriend won't stay away from him and his two-day-old-kind-of-girlfriend alone.
She admits she didn't come in with an open mind (true), but promises to approach it differently if given the opportunity (false). I don't know if or how anyone actually believes her, but they all vote yes. Tough break, Jared. Knucks of consolation:
The Morning After
A new man arrives in jean shorts, but I don't know if he can share Daniel's excuse of being Canadian. His name is Carl, and the ladies are digging him. Carl begins shopping around and ultimately offers his date card to Haley. I'll trust the near-universal (Ashley wasn't interested, obviously) superficial approval of the women on the show, but it's hard to look past jorts.
Sploosh, I guess?
Brett is the second arrival of the day, lugging a lamp as a prop. I think it's still better than jorts. All of the ladies, including Ashley, seem interested this time! Unfortunately for her and Jared, Brett asks Caila on his date. She says yes despite his ragged jeans and flip flops.
That isn't good, is it? I know holey jeans were in at some point, but let's agree not to support this sort of behavior going forward.
Speaking of flip-flops, Caila tells Jared she's unsure about what to do, seems to be talked out of it and then back into it, and ultimately tells Brett she wants to stay at the Paradise Pad. But then says she'll go on the date. But maybe not. She finally decides to go on the date; maybe she reconsidered every time she noticed his terrible bracelets?
Brett, remembering he forgot his big boy pants at summer camp.
Double Date: Emily and Carl, Caila and Brett
Emily, Carl, Caila, and Brett go on a booze cruise and go through the usual steps of dancing, drinking, and attempting to talk over loud music.
This progresses into lapdances for the ladies, which Emily enjoys greatly but Caila enjoys not at all. Brett takes her lack of enthusiasm with the grace we expect from contestants on this show:
In his defense, he had to put up with Caila's waffling all morning before offering a lapdance and being shot down.
Back at the Paradise Pad
Ashley details to the camera crew her plan to pursue Jared in Caila's absence. Before she can make any progress, the double-daters return and Caila takes Jared aside to ease his concerns. Jared, understanding, snogs Caila, which sends a snooping Ashley down the beach in tears, completing this show's worst repeated cycle.
Later that Night
Brett moves on to his next target, talking up Haley in an effort to secure a rose. Adding another wrinkle is newcomer Ryan B, who plans to go against the grain by combining no game, bad jokes, and bad dancing in his approach.
Jared tries to pawn Ashley off on Ryan, and he seems willing to give it a shot. Ashley, however, spends their conversation sounding crazy about Jared and using the word "obsessed". He wisely chooses someone else, and that someone else is Haley. Knucks to Ryan for being intelligent enough to avoid Jared's clumsy Ashley-trap.
-1 Knucks to Jared. Bush League.
The Next Morning
A visibly nervous Daniel tries to gain some assurance from Haley, but his usual Canadian charm comes up short; our MVP is in serious jeopardy. On the other side of the spectrum is Grant, who is contemplating his very deep connection with Lace. He arranges a spa day complete with massages, champagne, and a hot tub, and uses the atmosphere to tell Lace he loves her. Her response is to fish for compliments, which is probably not the response he hoped for. Undeterred, he says it again, and again, and she starts to cry tears of maybe-joy. Apparently it's good enough for Grant, so they pour some champagne and snog.
One-on-One Date: Ryan and Haley
The newest couple in Paradise rides horses through the relative wilderness for their date. Haley is definitely enjoying it, but apparently nothing else happens because they cut away. They just rode horses across some streams and sent us back to the Paradise Pad.
Later that Night:
Vinny is taken aback when Izzy goes out of her way to sit down and talk with Brett. Addressing Vinny's concerns, Izzy explains her newfound, Brett-borne doubts to her quasi-boyfriend of about a month, who isn't thrilled about this development:
"Nope, I'm not concerned. Just sitting here playing with random bits of flotsam. Don't mind me, everything is fine." - Vinny, probably
The Next Morning
Vinny explains recent events to the rest of the bachelors, who do their best to offer support. Vinny wants to withdraw from the competition, but not without looking for closure with Izzy. Naturally, we'll have to wait for part two of Bachelor in Paradise to see what happens!
This two-hour episode managed just 61 drinks according to our Bachelor in Paradise Drinking Game Rules despite Grant saying "I love you" three times! We may have over-corrected in our revisions last week, but for now we're right in line with our target of one drink every two minutes.
