The Bachelor Recap, Nick Viall Episode 7: Nick Identifies His Final Four
When we left off last week, Nick's confidence in The Bachelor's process was faltering. Will any of our contestants be able to stem the flow of his tears and convince him true love can be found on reality television? There are only six women remaining, and Nick has only four more episodes to choose a fiancee (again). Let's see who stands out and who goes home this week!
St. Thomas
As the ladies contemplate and irrationally internalize Nick's negativity, Chris Harrison drops in to act as a sounding board and provide guidance as a 39-season veteran of the franchise:
"Look, Nick: You're two weeks away from Fantasy Suites and I'm four weeks away from another complete season. Suck it up."
Nick stops by the ladies' hotel room to explain his visit the night before and dramatically pause before affirming his faith in their relationships and announcing their next destination:
Bimini
After settling into their beachfront villa, Kristina reads a date card with Vanessa's name on it. Corinne, longing for her first one-on-one, shoots some visual daggers Vanessa's way:
This face is neither impressed nor accepting. If Nick keeps Corinne on the show much longer, we might get our first physical altercation!
One-on-One Date: Vanessa
Shortly after setting sail, Vanessa asks Nick some serious questions about his emotional night and the state of their relationship. They get back to superficiality before snorkeling in a shipwreck and snogging underwater. It looks difficult and unpleasant, like two teenagers with headgear and coke-bottle glasses, or perhaps a romantic waterboarding:
*pant**pant* "This would" *gulp* "be easier if we" *gasp* "didn't have to" *pant* "tread water to" *sputter* "avoid drowning!"
Vanessa transitions from describing her excitement at the prospect of a hometown date to telling Nick "I'm falling in love with you." They snog, and Nick delicately dances through a response just short of reciprocal. Vanessa is taken aback, because we're deep enough into the season that contestants are forgetting his primary role as the lead of a competitive romantic drama. I don't think it's a contractual obligation, but I'm positive ABC strongly encourages Bachelors and Bachelorettes not to declare favorites. Disappointed and roseless (but not dismissed!), Vanessa walks away, hand-in-hand with Nick.
Group Date: Corinne, Kristina, and Raven
After boarding a yacht and some gentle, sunscreen-based handsy, Nick tells the three women they'll be snorkeling with sharks. Kristina and Corinne are both nervous, but Raven is confident. Knucks to you, Raven; even knowing the dates are ABC-approved, I'd be uncomfortable swimming with sharks.
Kristina quickly decides this date isn't her shot of vodka (she's Russian, remember?) and Nick follows her onto the yacht to offer some comfort. Soon after, Corinne and Raven join them on board.
After changing clothes, our foursome heads to their cocktail party where Nick gives a brief toast and steps away with Kristina. They rehash Nick's crisis of confidence, he begins crying, and they snog a bit. Corinne goes after the cheese plate like Wallace and Gromit on some Wensleydale, but despite her generally distasteful demeanor, I can't really judge. Pot and kettle situation, that would be. But hey, maybe she and Chad are meant to be! Throw a little bread and some condiments in the mix, and you have yourself a deli!
Corinne's only redeeming quality is her affinity for cheese, but it isn't enough.
Raven reveals her backstory, which includes her father being diagnosed with cancer, and after a brief consolation they snog.
Corinne uses her time to complain about not having a one-on-one date. Nick moves quickly to a comforting snog; classic Bachelor technique, you can really see he's a veteran of the franchise in moments like this. Corinne quotes Trump again, because her list of pop culture references is extremely limited.
Raven receives the group date rose, and she and Nick head off to a nearly-private concert featuring another artist I don't recognize. It's far from the worst mini-performance I've seen on this show.
One-on-One Date: Danielle M.
A bike ride through the streets of Bimini is followed by a tour of the town and some food sampling. They stop and play some basketball with a group of local children on a child-sized hoop before finally settling in to discuss a potential hometown date in Wisconsin. Nick has his breakup face on as the conversation stalls; it isn't looking good for Danielle M.
Tragically, Nick wears a terrible almost-hoodie for the dinner portion of their date:
When one person wears this puzzling garment on a dinner date, you know someone is getting dumped.
Danielle seems to be making up some ground, but comes up just short of saying "love" in her monologue. Nick verbosely breaks up with her and walks her to the exit.
Later that Night
The moment the preview snippets have been building to all season finally arrives. Corinne quickly puts herself together and goes to Nick's hotel room. Somehow, she's not turned away by Nick's questionable shirt, and they sit down with fresh drinks. Nick is audibly if not visibly intoxicated, and a shot of them headed to his bedroom is coupled with this line, which was initially entertaining but now just anticlimactic:
"I do it way better than anyone else. Because...my heart is gold, but my vagine is platinum."
After some weird sensual sounds, Nick tells Corinne to pump the brakes and sends her back to the villa. Knucks to you, Nick.
Corinne describes her attempt as something "nice and very cute" for Nick, which is a curious choice of words. I'll add it to our bag of euphemisms for future use.
One-on-One Date: Rachel
While day drinking, Nick inquires about his prospects on a hometown date in Dallas. Rachel sees through Nick's delicate question and acknowledges that he would be the first white guy she's brought home. Good for her not beating around the bush. Knucks to Rachel.
Later that Day
Opting to break up with the fifth-place finisher in a setting more private than a Rose Ceremony, Nick heads to the villa early, seeking out Kristina. After leading her outside, Nick stumbles through another breakup speech, but Kristina barely cracks until she reaches the limo. I think it's safe to say Russian orphanages present a bigger challenge and more crushing disappointment than The Bachelor.
Next up: Hometown Dates!
This episode tallied 84 drinks according to the QQ Bachelor Drinking Game. Feel free to follow us on Facebook for new content, and we'll see you next week!
